I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
