eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
