Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
