He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
