420 ftw
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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