how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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