I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
