I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
