Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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