You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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