I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
