You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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