i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
