I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
