You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
