Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
