I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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