Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So vagazzling was a success
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
