I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
