Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
