Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
