If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
