Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You are the jesus of drinking
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
