I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
