i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize