You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
