oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Randomize
