her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
