return my video game
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
