just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
