I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
