The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
