I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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