He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
wow bdsm is so cute
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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