I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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