I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just forgot I was standing up.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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