I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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