Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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