i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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