just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
