Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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