Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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