soooo we both peed the bed last night...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
