I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
