Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
