Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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