You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
