Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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