FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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