ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize