Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
