that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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