My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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