try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
