remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
