That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
