we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize