I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Drake has all the answers
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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