I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize