I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
