Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
