i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
