I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
